


Self-Discovery

by ThunderThighsMish (Voib)



Series: Taboo January [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coming Out, Dean Winchester is Not Heterosexual, Gen, M/M, Self-Discovery, wrestlers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-19 11:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22143202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voib/pseuds/ThunderThighsMish
Summary: Written for the Taboo January Writing Challenge for the prompt: self-discovery.
Relationships: Gunner Lawless/Dean Winchester
Series: Taboo January [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593688
Kudos: 30





	Self-Discovery

Gunner Lawless had done exactly _one_ charity calendar in all of his years. The _Wrestlers Gone Wild_ edition was printed specifically for middle aged women who had to withstand their lame husbands’ World War obsessions, and (apparently) just for Dean Winchester. 

Dean had been following the wrestling matches that played in motel rooms since he’d turned 13. At first, he didn’t understand why he was paying attention to the wrestlers so much. The fights were coordinated in some places, lame at best, and created for theatrics. But then he’d actually taken a look at Gunner Lawless and he’d had to run to the bathroom in embarrassment. Dean was thankful that Sammy didn’t understand what puberty was. 

But why did Dean have a reaction like that? He wasn’t... _gay_. Right? He couldn’t be like that. His Dad even said it was wrong, and what John didn’t like was what Dean didn’t like. 

He must’ve gotten a signal crossed in his brain, and his excitement at wrestling had to have turned the wrong corner. _Or ran a red light? Maybe it just went backwards?_

Either way—Dean wasn’t like _that_. He wasn’t something less than. As his Dad had said, he was a ‘true, red-blooded American with gunpowder running through his veins’. Not _that_. 

But his brain had other plans. He got his first B&E when he was just dying to see Gunner take on The Tower of Power. The middle class home that he’d broken into had a silent alarm and the cops that chased him out through the backyard of the property seemed to have had cardio training. His time in jail wasn’t the worst, but it was embarrassing to be thrown in jail because of some dudes in shiny leotards. 

After that, he tried to stay away from thoughts of Gunner. But it was more difficult than he thought. Gunner was just so _cool_ , and _inspiring_ , and so _strong_. The sweaty, muscled bodies that grappled in the rings were enough to make Dean’s heart flutter in excitement of some kind. The only comparison that he could think of was right before he asked Wendy Harrison out for the first time. 

His fascination brought him to a small comic books shop that had a few posters on the glass advertising WWE action figures. Armed in a heavy jacket with large pockets, Dean went in and listened to the little bell above the door ring. The pimple-faced teen at the front wasn’t much older than Dean himself, but he sneered at his presence and went back to playing a Nintendo 64. 

Dean felt relief. The less attention that the clerk paid, the easier things would go for him. It was a bonus that the WWE section was buried in the back of the store where the cameras had a blindspot. 

Dean lingered on some of the band tees, listful that they weren’t something that he could slip into a coat pocket or ‘try-on’ in the dressing room, which the shop didn’t seem to have. 

Dean flipped through some X-Men comics, the ones with Wolverine on the cover, and ambled through the store. When he was sure that the clerk was too absorbed in his game, Dean arrived at the WWE section. 

There was only one shirt with Gunner on it, a keychain, and some trading cards. Nothing valuable, then, and nothing that Dean would want. But there was also a big red piece of cardboard with SPECIAL written over it, pointing down to what looked like a cling-wrapped calendar. 

Compelled to it, Dean quickly flipped it over and scanned the preview months, immediately picking out Gunner in 3 of the 12 photos. 

Dean blanched. These weren’t just wrestling pictures—some of them were _obscene_. Gunner draped scandalously over a motorcycle, in just jeans, black leather chaps, and a white tee, with grease and sweat coating him. 

Throat convulsing, Dean looked at the next one. Mounted on a horse, with lidded eyes, Gunner seemed to stare Dean down. The wrestler was shirtless and only in a pair of dirty jeans. 

The last one made Dean feel a different way. Gunner didn’t have the same smolder as the other two, and he was (mostly) dressed in this one. Balancing a tiny grey kitten on a strong shoulder, Gunner was smiling at the small animal. He looked much more genuine in this one than the others. 

Dean looked back up to the front counter, seeing the clerk still busy losing his game, when he shoved the calendar up the front of his big jacket. 

Grabbing a pack of gum and some Pokémon cards for Sam, he went up to the front counter and threw a couple of wrinkled dollars down. The clerk looked over boredly, but didn’t comment. 

Not bothering with change or even the lame clerk, Dean grabbed his stuff and left the store, walking awkwardly while trying to keep the calendar in the front of his jacket and not on the concrete. 

After he turned a corner, Dean wiggled the calendar out and held it to his chest, covering the title and contents. 

He didn’t see many people on his walk home, and Dad wasn’t home, so he wasn’t stressed about how to get the calendar into his room. Sammy was nosey, but he wasn’t the type to judge Dean for his interests. But that was only if Sam ever found the calendar. And Dean was already good at hiding things from his Dad, so Sammy was a breeze. 

In the small apartment, Dean threw the trading cards and pack of gum at Sam before he rushed to the bathroom. He ripped the plastic off the cover, opened the calendar, and there he was. Gunner Lawless, in all his HD glory, was right in front of Dean. 

His breath hitched. His heart beat wildly. He felt guilty. 

It wasn’t right to look at things like this, and he knew it. This was created for old ladies with too much perfume and time on their hands. But Dean had 3 years of thinking about his wrestling interests, and while guilt still burned low in his stomach, he felt a little better about himself. 

He’d heard recently on the news that gay people (not that he knew one in real life) were just born that way. It was part of some study they reported on, and they interviewed a gay man on the TV. The man just seemed _normal_. 

Dean wasn’t gay because he still liked being with girls. That factor didn’t seem to be changing anytime soon, but Dean was still unsure in his stance about men. He felt something towards them, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. 

But there, in the apartment’s bathroom, Dean admitted that he really did like Gunner Lawless in a way that was more than platonic. And he didn’t feel too guilty about it—just relieved. 

He rolled the calendar up and shoved it under a pile of clothes in his closet. Sammy was organizing his Pokémon cards in piles on the living room floor when Dean walked in. 

Hesitating at the doorway, Dean watched Sam work for a moment. “Do you know any gay kids?”

Sam looked up, confused at why Dean was even asking, but seemed to answer out of curiosity. “There’s this one kid at school, Mark, who is gay. Or people call him gay, at least. He’s kinda cool.”

Dean nodded, “Cool.”

Sam looked up in suspicion. “...Why?”

“I—uh—had some dude hit on me today. Kinda threw me off guard, but it wasn’t bad or anything.” The lie slipped out easy enough. 

Sam went back to organizing his water-types. “I think they’re people like the rest of us, I guess. Mark isn’t weird or anything. He’s just gonna have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend.”

Before he could stop himself, Dean spat the words out, “I lied.”

“About what?” Sam wrapped a rubber band around a stack of cards. 

“About the guy hitting on me. No one did that. But I think I might—might like this guy I know.”

“You’re gay?” 

“No, I still like girls. But I think I like this one guy too.” Dean added, “Only him, though.”

“So you’re gonna have girlfriends and maybe one boyfriend? That’s not exactly surprising, Dean.”

Dean bristled. 

“With the way you look at wrestlers,” Sam continued, “it’s _really_ not a surprise.”

Dean bit his cheek in embarrassment. Was he really that obvious? He’d thought he had a dirty little secret, but little brothers know everything, clearly. 

“Thanks for saying it, I guess. I won’t tell Dad or anything, so your _singular_ boyfriend is safe with me.” Sam stuck his tongue out in mocking, trying to get a reaction out of Dean. 

“Whatever, freak. I’m gonna eat the rest of the mac ‘n cheese!” Dean called over his shoulder, racing into the kitchen. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
